The Cougar Trombone Section: Traditions Galore
Pride is the name of the game for Cougar Trombones. We are proud to be trombones, proud to be in the Cougar Marching Band, and proud to be Cougars. As such, our traditions are very important. They distinguish us from other sections, endear us to the band, and allow for big heaping scoops of bone bonding. Our traditions are ridiculous in number and variety: From hosting band parties to special bone get-togethers, from idiosyncrasies of the section to stupid superstitions, it’s all here, and by gum we’re durn glad to have them. This is who we are. We are the Cougar Bones.
The Bone Home and the Rathouse Bone
The Bone Home is the place where most bone activity takes place. It is usually an actual house or apartment, but it’s more than that. It is the blazing core of the Cougar trombone universe. It holds our parties, events, and long video-game binges. It is the actual residence of at least two trombones. All trombones are always welcome at the Bone Home, even though the Bone Home is often located in different places, depending on where the bones are living. The bone home has a long history that nobody remembers, but anthropologists have dated it at least 35,000 years.
The Bone Home also houses the Rathouse Bone. This is an actual trombone that was acquired by Gerry Austin in the mid 90’s, when the Rathouse Pizza place closed its doors forever. It had been a decoration in that establishment since the early 1950’s, when it had been donated by a Cougar bone section from that era. It now hangs proudly in the Bone Home, insofar as an inanimate object can be proud. It is our holy symbol, the great and shining reminder of the history and excellence of the trombone section. Okay, it might be dented and unplayable, but the Dead Sea Scrolls aren’t exactly in great shape, either.
The Bone Bible
In addition to the Rathouse Bone, there is another sacred item for the Cougar bones: The Bone Bible. Unlike the Rathouse Bone, this item is not on public display. In fact, only the sections leaders are allowed to gaze furtively upon its hallowed pages. Its contents are deeply shrouded in mystery. Some say it contains the secret of cold fusion, others claim rumors of a delicious egg-salad recipe, but only the section leaders know for sure, and they will take their secrets to the tomb. Recent reports that it contains a bunch of scribbled songs and documents are greatly exaggerated.
Trombone Annual Events
Trombone Sectional
The Thursday of Hell Week (known by some infidels as band camp), the trombone section hosts a get-together where the entire band can eat, drink, be merry, and sing songs like My Father Was a Fireman, The Beer Song, and The Leland Stanford Farm. We usually rent out an entire establishment for the entire band. It once took place at Godfather's Pizza, until it closed down and we were forced to go to Zeppos. The evening begins with a mighty feast, a veritable horn of plenty. That is, plenty of pizza. After we get settled down and small children have left the premises, many of the other sections in the band sing original songs and prepared numbers. Then the bones break out the classics. Recently an attempt has been made to write a new trombone song each year, and in 2003 we hit paydirt with Bone-hemian Rhapsody. The Trombone Sectional is not for everybody, but it’s a load of fun, especially if you like being deeply and terribly offended.
Snake River Picnic
This picnic, usually held in September, is a get together for bones and band alike in front of the Snake River. It is sometimes held at The Dunes and sometimes at Wawawai Beach. At Wawawai there is always some brave boner who jumps off the famous tall cliff by the river, and a trip to The Dunes is never complete without a rollicking game of kickball, where everybody gets a chance to whiff it like Charlie Brown and be forever humiliated.
Homecoming Party
Both alumni tromboners and present trombone players unite and make a big, big party where the whole band is invited. You’d think we’d learn our lesson having 150 people in a student apartment.
B.Y.O.P. (Bring Your Own Pumpkin)
The weekend before Halloween (provided there is no game), the whole section and many of our friends get together and carve pumpkins. A prize of some sort goes to the carver of the best pumpkin. You haven’t lived until you’ve carved pumpkins in the company of only adults, and realized that it is in fact twice as amusing and three times as dangerous than it was when you were a kid.
The Trombone Section "Thanksgiving" Dinner
The week before Thanksgiving break, the trombone section holds the trombone dinner. Here we all join, eat, voice out our feelings about the year, and borrow money from one another. In 2002, the event took place at Pete's Bar and Grill.
Trombone Caroling
During the weekend before Fall Dead Week the section learns arrangements of holiday music and plays for a local nursing home and at the Palouse Mall. This tradition was on hiatus for a time because we lost the music, but now it’s healthy as a mule.
White Elephant Gift Exchange
This event used to take place after Trombone Caroling, but since the team has been doing so well lately we’ve had the opportunity to have it in distant lands, i.e. bowl games. It’s your traditional White Elephant party, with a few sprinklings of trombone goodness. Some of the best past gifts have been a bottle of elk urine, a half-eaten cheeseburger, a potato with an electrical outlet crammed into it marked “Unlimited Power Source”, and a traffic cone. There is also an emerging tradition within this one, wherein a member of the section receives a jacket or other article of clothing that they had lost months before at band practice.
Case Race
In the fall of 1998, the trombone section challenged the euphonium section to a case-race. With 4 contestants per side, the object is to down a case of beer (24 cans) quicker than the opposing team. The teams in the inaugural running were, on the trombone team, Gerry Austin, David Kirkbride, Eric Miller, and Eric Sargent. The euphonium team consisted of Robert Shannon, Daryl Bolejack, Martin Scheurich, and Tom Lee. Every year, the trombone section may challenge any individual section they desire. The winning team gets the Bone Jug Trophy .
In the winter of 2002, the first annual all-band case race occurred. It was named the Ice Cream Cup Case Race . Teams represented were the trombones, tubas, flutes and trumpets. However, the trumpets rushed (go figure) and became impatient and left early. Too bad, ‘cause they missed a hell of a case race! The winning team hosts next year's Ice Cream race, and gets the Cream Cup Trophy. Whoo hoo. By the way, the trombones always win.
Fall 1998 - Trombones vs. Euphs: Trombones won.
Fall 2002 - Trombones vs. Tubas: Trombones won. Trombones won.
Winter 2002 - Trombones vs. Tubas vs. Flutes: Trombones won.
Spring 2005 - Freshmen Bones vs. Old Bones: The Freshmen Bones kind of won. We're not really sure though. Decisions become difficult to make with when so much alcohol is present.
Cougar Trombone Pride
Bones Rock!
After every rehearsal (and seemingly more frequently at other times) the bones together shout out a loud in three "Bones Rock!" Other sections try to imitate the event, but the effect falls far short of that which bellows from the lungs of the boners! Recently a new tradition has been instituted where “Bones Rock!” is yelled at graduation when a trombone graduates. We really have way too much fun with this.
Standing/Marking Time During Music Rehearsals
Probably more of a safety concern, but whenever we rehearse in Kimbrough or Bryan Auditorium we always stand, even though almost every other section sits (except of course the sousas). We ALWAYS stand and mark time with pride when we play.
Stand Horn Flashes
During the football games, breaks in action too short for music are often filled by the drumline and their rockin’ cadences. During every one we do wild, crazy and just plain wacky horn flashes to the beat. It creates quite an effect to the crowd. Famous horn flashes include: Head Choppers, Up-Downs, and the ever-popular Jaws Horn Flash.
Visiting Band Hospitality
Since visiting bands are fairly rare due to our location slightly left of the middle of nowhere, we try to make every visiting trombone section (if not the entire band), feel at home. Sometimes this is as simple as bringing them candy or buying them popcorn and nachos, while at other times we may end up inviting them somewhere after a game to hang out. Most recently, the entire California "Straw Hat" band brought their bus to the Bone Home to party with both the present members and alumni of the Cougar Band. This party was ridiculous. Even people who were not there remember it with a teary eye.
Incognito Cougar Band (ICB)
A tradition for at least the past 6 seasons has been the gathering of band members on Friday nights before home football games. We dress in strange attire and run all over campus in a frenzy playing for dorms, Greeks, and especially the RV lot where the alumni stay! Past costumes have included: a gorilla outfit, sexy lingerie, a half-shaved head, and a penis hat. Not strictly a trombone tradition, but we tend to outnumber everybody else.
Rude, Crude, and Sexually Explicit Section Shirts
When you play an instrument called a bone, what else are you supposed to do? We will always have the most disgusting section shirts in the Cougar Marching Band, offensive enough to make George Carlin cry. Okay, maybe not that offensive.
We've recently used:
"Bones do it in seven positions (plus some alternates)"
"Bones slide where others finger (no foreplay required)"
"Top Ten reasons to play trombone (Like 60 inches of nothing but shaft)"
"Rock Hard Bones” (Hard Rock Cafe Logo)
"Trombeer - The trombones of the CMB, aged to perfection, work and party harder than any other trombone section in history"
"The Stiffest Competition"
"Superbone - Fighting evil with 10 feet of tubing, 3 feet of shaft, and one hell of a blow"
"Vini Vidi Bonum - We came, we saw, we boned. Bonin' you hardcore since 47 A.D."
Ridin' the Bone
On those especially long, dreadful cold evenings at marching band, the bone section huddles together for our after practice meeting. When the meeting starts to go excessively long, Andy breaks out Bone Rider! The gesture of riding the bone essentially means, LET'S GO!! (Although you may infer what you like).
Horn Angles
When it comes to holding our bones, only the best angles will do. If you are playing in our section and your horn gets a bit flaccid and droopy, you will hear about it from your section leaders, and hopefully from your fellow bones. Bad horn angles are not a joking matter. We play with pride and confidence, and when it works, it looks awesome.
Pixie Stix and PEZ
Like we're going to suck on something called a Pixie Stick... Heck no, we'd much rather eat an object from the throat of Daffy Duck, Leonardo, or Bugs Bunny. Nobody really knows where this tradition started but it's now a permanent fixture in the CMB bone line.
One interesting side note to the trombones 'PEZ' fixation: a tuba player and his wife, a sax player, recently gave birth (the wife actually did most of the birthing herself) to a beautiful baby boy, Phillip Ezra Zitzelman... You guessed it, PEZ! If you're really paying attention, we've got a question for you. Since the baby is is named PEZ, what does that make the sax playing mother? (who incidentally is taking a year or two off from school to be a full time mother).
Spoonman and the Shorts
Spoonman and Dave Kirkbride's infamous volleyball shorts served as lucky charms to our volleyball team, and helped to keep them undefeated in Bohler Gym for more that a year. The powers of the Spoon and shorts were proven when the #24 Huskies beat the #6 Cougs in Bohler Gym... the one day that neither the spoon (we couldn't find him) nor the shorts were present (it was pouring down rain and Dave didn't feel like running back home to put them on.)
The "Boner of the Year" Award
This award is presented to the biggest boner in the section each year at the annual band banquet. Every year, the trombone section looks back upon the season and finds the one person who meant well but just couldn't ever seem to do anything right. Often these people have more enthusiasm for marching band than any of us, but enthusiasm alone can't compensate for the ability of a true Boner of the Year to be a huge screw-up.
The 'Boner of the Year Award' was first presented in 1994 to then sophomore Tom Lee. Eventually Tom became a drum major and went on to bigger and better things with the CMB. Neil Pierson was the "fortunate" recipient in 1997, his freshman year, when among other things, puked on band president Jen LeRose's bed, lost my uniform bag at Apple Cup and was stranded upon returning to Pullman at 3 o'clock in the morning, and forgot my plume before getting on the bus to the Rose Parade. And our good friend, Drew "Ladybugs" Martin, became the first 2-time recipient in 1999. CONGRATS DREW, WE'LL MISS YA. AARRRAARRRARRR HAWKINS!!! Our recipient two years ago, Mitch Droz was probably best known for his tremendous ability to slide down an icy slope while naked. Congrats to Droz--he made the year 2000 one to remember for the CMB bones and the band as a whole. Last year, the bones were graced with our good friend Alex Smith. I've never seen anyone march so many shows without music before he came along. A unanimous vote went out to Alex for this award.
Past BOTY winners
'04 - Adam Lieuallen
'03 - Ian Gilbert-Ghormley
'02 - Tim Housden
'01 - Alex Smith
'00 - Mitch Droz
'99 - Drew Martin
'98 - Kyle Hooper
'97 - Neil Pierson
'96 - Daryl Bolejack
'95 - Drew Martin
'94 - Tom Lee
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